THE TV IS WATCHING YOU

Its Monday night and I just waisted 3 hours watching TV. Why, why me? Why was the television invented?

I planned to do some cleaning and ensure that my uniform was ready for work tomorrow. I was running really late this morning and to ensure that their isn't a recurrence of this morning's mis haps, doing all I can the night before is essential. But did I listen to myself? No, I decided to allow Hollyoaks, Big Brother, Location Location, Friends and TMF to seduce me into numbing my brain and body (except my thumb) for 3 hours.

It started with Hollyoaks, the only soap any male between 14-24 years old can watch and have an excuse, the girls are FIT. "Thou shalt not watch Hollyoaks" words of the poet Scroobilus Pip from his poem Though Shalt Always Kill. I haven't seen Hollyoaks in a while but todays episode made me up to date on all the happenings. We have characters dealing with eating disorders, people not sure if they are gay or not, 18 year olds trying to get off with each other, people trying to get out of debt by taking advantage of the grieving and people getting over abortions. So what did I learn in this episode? Beautiful people can be gay, broke, skinny, promiscuous, poor and can't have babies. Nothing new then.

After I saw "The Oaks" I flipped over to find Big Brother's Little Brother. I have a continuous love/hate relationship with Big Brother. I find it very hard to change the channel when it is on. I don't like it and any other show associated with it makes it seem even more asinine. So why do I watch it? I want to see how my stupid friend Brian is getting on. See if he learned who Shakespeare was or if he found a way to speak with his mouth open. I also check on my friend kara-Louise who I think is one of the most clad Big Brother contestants I have ever come across. She is also quite hot.

Why do the lives of these people who I have never met and probably would never keep as friends seem so fascinating? I think Channel 4 has placed subliminal messages in their Big Brother animated logo (the rotating eye ball) that makes you catatonic whenever you start watching it.

This would also explain why I sat through a whole episode of Location Location. The catatonic state that I was placed in only allowed me to watch other Channel 4 shows. The episode I saw was about a couple moving from Manchester to the country to setup a hot-tub store. Their house in Manchester was worth £.5million and they were looking for something smaller and a commercial property under £400,000. In the end they got what they wanted and the hot-tub business took off.

My only explanation for watching this to the end was that the effects of the rotating eye ball does not wear off for about an hour after Big Brother.

I found myself watching Friends. Wasn't the series canceled about 10 years ago? Why doesn't it stay canceled? I think I know why. You see, there are people like me who continue to watch episodes over and over and over and over... allowing the TV programmers to take advantage of our gullible nature. This needs to stop, just because we are easy doesn't mean you have to. I think taking advantage of gullible people who will watch anything should be called TV-RAPE.

I need to stop. Laatas.

I'm Black, Does My Mother Know?

In my previous post I mentioned Rhianna's irritating contribution to my summer. In a discussion today I made a mention of my detest of this song and it resulted in diagnosing me with "Race Ignorance", as my friend called it. Then she went on to mention of the lack of Black female influences on the British Pop Charts and it was great to see Rhianna at number one. She longed for the days Whitney, Foxxie Brown, Lil' kim, Mary J, Faith Evans and Missy Elliot had the Pop charts in their control. She also mentioned how Fergie, Amy Winehouse, Nelly Furtado and Gwen Stephani were all using black music to their advantage like Elvis and others before them.

Firstly, I don't think there will ever be a lack of black female role models in music. There are B-B-B-Beyonce (Big-Bummed-Beautiful-Beyonce), Kelly Rowlands, Keri Hilson and Eve who are all currently on the British charts. I did not say I had anything against Rhianna either, but, I just don't think that her song deserved the right to invade my ears to repeatedly scratch at my eardrums with her "UMBER-ELLA, ELLA, ELLA." I also think that Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" is a much better song, lyrically and acoustically.

When I expressed this to my dear friend she told me that I should look in the mirror - Yeah I'm black. NO, I'M BLACK! DOES MY MOTHER KNOW!?!? Stop the press!

Why should my liking a song and defending it over another have anything to do with my ethnicity? From what I can tell Fergie has not done anything to offend me or my race. Until that day, (which I am sure will never come as she is so FIT), I will continue to show appreciation of her music that I like.

I would beg to differ on her point about Whitney, Foxxie Brown and Lil' Kim being good role models for young black women. If being a drug addict and emotionally unstable is something that is accepted as the norm then please give every little girl a book titled "Crack is Wack - Life and Times of Whitney Houston, complete with CD containing chart topping singles which continue to pay for her habit." Then if sexual profanity is added to 13-15yr old young women's school curriculum then by all means remove the Explicit Content sticker from Foxxie Brown's and Lil' Kim's album covers.

People should never rate their acceptance of a song according to the race of the artist. If Rhianna had to rely on the Black-British public to gain the top spot it may never happen. Statistically, if Rhianna or Timberland (who is number one now), based their entire single purchases and airplay requests on the British population they will find that only 2% of that would be by Black Britons.

To think I had to go through all of this because I didn't like Rhianna's song about her dear Un-Ber-Ella, Ella, Ella...

Summer Tunes

Last summer my iPod was filled with songs by Lilly Allen, Nina Simone and The Pet Shop Boys. This summer my iPod has Gym Class Heroes, Sean Kingston, Robin Thicke, Gold Spot, Sherly Bassie, Mark Ronson, Plain White T's and some new Dancehall.

My summer started on a high after going to the O2 Festival to see Just Jack, Faithless and Eskimo. Now it is the middle of the summer and due to my work commitments I have been unable to see any other festivals. There are a few in August that I am looking forward to and in September, to close, I will be going home (Montego Bay, Jamaica) to bring the summer to a close with a bang.

This summer's biggest number one has been the most irritating, UMBRELLA by Rhianna. Rhianna has taken the number one spot in the British music Charts for 10 weeks. This is great news I suppose. Well it is and I should be happy to see her at the number one spot but Pon-Di Replay was a much better song in my mind. Umbrella is the most irritating song to hit the radio waves this year. The only good things about this song is the video (Sexy) and the fact it kept Fergie and BB-Beyonce out of the lime light.

Gym Class Heroes gave me Cupid's Choke Hold, what a tune!!!!! I was told by a friend that the song wasn't written by them and that the original was better. Usually I would try to find the original and have a listen for myself, but why? I loved this version and I love the video. The nonsensical "Ba Ba Da Da" comes between the verses describing an introduction between his girlfriend and his parents. I have not really had much opportunity to introduce a girlfriend to my mother but if I ever had to I would ensure I listened to this song right before I do.

Sean Kingston popped up out of nowhere with his Beautiful Girls single. Though the song could be annoying but I find it fun. Well after listening to the entire T-Pain album and Akon's album, I don't see where within the "squeaky R&B" market there is room left for another. But, we will see.

I saw Robin Thicke's "Lost Without You" video about a month and a half ago and for some reason the name just seemed familiar. Then a few days later it came to me, Robin Thicke was the guy who sang "When I Get You Alone" a couple years ago (You know, that song with the New York message boy riding around on a bicycle). Now he is back on Star Track Records and killing all the ladies with "Lost Without You". I love this song and by the looks of things it will be in my most played this year list.

As the summer progresses I will be writing more on what's going on on my iPod. On my next post I will go through Mark Ronson's, Plain White T's and a few R&B summer releases. Till then Happy-Downloading.

Jack Osbourne's Twenty One Years

Jack Osbourne's 21 years of existence went by on the 8th of November 2006. Just a few days later mine would also pass. This was mainly the only reason I wanted to buy this book. To see how he has done over the past 21 years and to see if it compares to my 21 years. So on the 26th of October 2006 I picked up my copy of 21 Years Gone.

When I bought this book the most I knew about Jack Osbourne was what I saw of him on MTV's The Osbournes. From the first few pages of this book I found out how similar we were. Well apart from his drug, alchohol and weight problems. Jack and I share a learning disability, we both have short attention spans, we have a craving for adventurous sports and both our mothers have the same first names. Needless to say I read on.

I read on to find how intuitive and sensitive he is towards his family. How he motivated himself to do what others didn't think was possible. How this young man at the age of 21 tackled Drug Addiction, Alcoholism and Obesity all before he was legally allowed to purchase alcohol. Problems well seasoned Rock Stars battle for decades, he conquered and lived to tell the tale. The trait of a survivor he believes is a gift from his mother.

Don't get me wrong there loads of people on this planet who do not have the means that Jack Osbourne has. Which makes his problems seem like another page turner for a gossip magazine. But what this book tells us is not what we want to know about him but what he wanted to tell the world in order to motivate the hopeless.

This book was not a life changing experience for me. I felt more or less how I felt before I read the book; "I am 21, loved, employed and I do not have any ailments to worry about." I guess that was how Jack felt when he finished writing it, making me a Jack Osbourne even more similar than originally believed. There is always that bank balance to consider which I am sure Jack and I are not on the same playing field.

The Royal Family of Reggae

The Royal Family of Reggae is none other than the Marley Family. With Ziggy, Damian, Stephen, Julian, Sharon and Kimani. The most recent album from the family is from none other than Stephen. To me the greatest anticipated album from the Royal Family, Mind Control.

Is not publicized enough that Stephen is the Man Behind the Thrown who has been in the production studios perfecting the great sounds of his siblings. Steven's outstanding production work has helped his brother Damian in claiming the Grammy for Welcome to Jamrock in 2001/2005. His production work has also helped his older brother Ziggy pick-up the Grammy for Best Reggae Album for 2006. Steven has also produced 'Chant Down Babylon', an album that fused Hip-Hop and R&B with Reggae perfectly. Though the album was said to be blasphemous by hard core Bob Marley/Reggae fans, to the rest of the world who understands the genres thought of it as a work of art.

Now the Man Behind the Thrown has released his debut album at age 34, Mind Control. Mind Control is simply an album that will stand the test of time. With contributions by Mos Def, Damian Marley, Mr. Cheeks, Spragga Benz, Ben Harper and Maya Azuncena - Mind Control blew my mind away. The single, The Traffic Jam featuring Damian Marley demonstrates what exactly Stephen's music is all about, unpredictably wonderful.

Other songs on Mind Control that are Mind Controlling are:

• Chase Them This song features great reggae guitar rifts and a wonderful classical tail of survival.
• Let Her Dance Great repetitive hook that gets you hooked on the beat that makes you want to get up and dance. The vocals by Maya Azuncena are what has been expected of an unclassifiable R&B/Jazz singer as her. The the music for Let Her Dance is a combination of Urban-Asian and reggae. This type of production is becoming ever more popular recently but Let Her Dance has the mixture on the right levels. Not allowing any type to over power the other but a subtle mix that makes it captivating and inviting.
• Let Me Out Another great chune that will be on every Hip-Hop, Dancehall and Reggae listeners IPOD in the next 6months.
• Hey Baby The Mos Def track. I adore Mos Def's music, his west coast rap ethic with an ever conscious vibe makes him perfect to rap on any Marley Album. Hey Baby is a definite single release. Though this track was released in 2002 when Stevens album was due for release this refined version is better.
  
• In The Red What a song. This song is for the persons like myself who loves the aesthetic feel that conga drums add to a song.

This is a great album. Stephen's voice has a striking similarity to the past King's (Bob Marley). When people speak of Steven's voice the comments that follow are usually along the lines of; "Him sound too much like him Faada" or "Him a try too hard fi bi like Bob". I am sorry to all those skeptics, Stephen Marley along with his brothers are all sons of Bob Marley. I don't know about you but I have traits associated with my parents. Instead of criticizing these traits we should appreciate them as they help to define who we are along with our individuality. Stephen's debut has traits of his father but essentially I can see his talent as a primal part of Mind Control's brilliants as an album.

Racism is as Racism Does

Racism in Britain is like blood in my body. I don't see it everyday, I know its there and whenever I see it in large proportions I fear for my life.

Recently Jade Goody has dominated all forms of mass communication in Britain due to her very racist remarks to Shilpa in the Big Brother house. I laughed when I saw Jade’s antics, speaking to the beautiful Bollywood Star, Shilpa, like she was better than her. Jade is mixed, her father is a Black Jamaican (a past incarcerated member of Her Majesty’s Penal System) and her mother is a white tenement home resident. Though the fact that her father is Jamaican increased her stock price in my books, by British standards she is as good as Jamaican herself.

Jade has more going against her than Shilpa and obviously she was too weak to accept that so she lashed out the only way her little Essex mind could.

I have experienced this, as I am sure any member of the British Minority population has. I find that the persons with the least self esteem attacks people with the most obvious thing about the ‘opponent’. The most obvious thing about me is the fact that I am Black. Which is what I put the speaking to me like a 9 year old trying to buy ‘weed’ whenever I ask for assistance in a store down to. Then to use a Gold Card to pay for my purchase I have to take out all forms of ID possible.

Unfortunately the English that is written in my passport and on my drivers license is of a special incomprehensible grade that cannot be deciphered by the average cashier. I know it could never be the ‘Issued by t he Government of Jamaica’ that is too complex to read pass. The Royal Navy ID is always the last, the last but usually the winner. The apology follows, “Sorry bout that but you know these asylum seekers...”. (Thanks, you just multiplied whatever resentment I had against you by trying to engage me in a racist conversation.)

I wish I could say that this was a one time occurrence. Though not exactly the same script, the story line concludes with the same moral. Not to worry though I don't receive this treatment all the time, which makes me find the times when I do receive it rather puzzling.

I don't think Britain is a land fill of racist people but I don’t think Britain is doing anything to help the situation. With Religiously segregated schools and single race dominated communities race ignorance will only grow. I think everyone needs to know the similarities in different races as well as acknowledge the differences. After all the world’s genetic break down isn’t getting any smaller so ignoring the fact that we live with people of different ethnicity is as stupid as it does.

British News Paper Discovery

I joined the Royal Navy in January 2004. I had little to no clue about British Culture so it was a cultural adventure for me. I found most of my lessons on British culture came from watching TV.

There is so much you can learn about Britain from watching British TV. I loved watching ‘Who’s line is it?’,‘This week in the news’, ‘Two out of ten Cats’ and ‘Question Time’. All programs taught me so much about how Britain thinks. The British Intellectual humour that is so infectious, was delivered to me through these television programs. I realised that I was living in a literate society when all these programs that made fun of current affairs issues got their ingformation from broadcast on radio or TV but mostly from what was printed.

Then after figuring out how Britain rather their news, via print, I had to work out exactly what paper to read. I went to the news agent one sunday and I picked up the Sunday Times. Not there was a lack of options, but I thought the size of a paper said all I needed to know about its content. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I loved the Reviews Magazine and the Sunday Times Magazine. I especially look forward to the Ariel Leve articles in the Sunday Times Magazine. Then there were the middle aged, affluent-intellectual views of Simone Jenkins and Micheal Portillo not to mention Atticus within the Comments section of the main paper. I fell in love with Sunday Times. There was so much to love, the tasteful layout, the language - the use of the English language to impart information like poetry. What was there not to love.

So the first paper was a hit.

I found it strange however that no one in my age group that I knew who were british read the Sunday Times. I thought I was a bizarre freak of nature who has transformed into a Middle Aged millionaire without even seeing his 21st birthday. When ever I was in a conversation about Politics and I opened a point by saying ‘In the Times yesterday was...’, I was shunned, treated with the same ‘smiled-hostility’ a Commissioned Officer would receive.

This troubled me. I caught on quickly and borrowed a copy of the Sun. The Sun was a gift from heaven, well page 3 was a gift, the rest seemed like an elongated advertisement of cell phones. I think I read the entire paper in less than an hour. I am not an exceptionally fast reader, in fact I struggle to find text. I found the news in the Sun was told mostly by pictures and lager graphics. I guess the scantily clad girl on page 3 was the entire paper and kept people buying it.

The fear of being accused of being a snob made me keep my mouth shut when it came to my thoughts of The Sun News Papper.

The next paper on the hit list was the Independent. I remember clearly, it was a summers day, it was warm and I just came out of Holborn Underground Station in London. There was a Costa Coffee not far from where I was standing and I wanted to grab a paper. Standing at the news stand the Independent spoke to me- "TERROR OR PROPAGANDA?" (there you go, you can have my 60p). I enjoyed the read. The tone of the paper varied as you flipped the pages. One article may focus on the terror cells in Europe the next on Muslim leaders who are speaking out against discrimination. I loved that touch, the mixture, the two point of views that made the news interesting. Otherwise its just a one sided pitch. Needless to say the Independent became my daily paper.

Speaking of one sided pitches, what is up with the Daily Mail? I feel like I am being shouted at every time I read the paper. The large graphics and pixellated images scare me. What might be an entire investigative piece in other papers was a headline in lager print and a paragraph in the Daily Mail. Its not that I don't like the paper, I have read a couple, but only because it was the only paper available onboard. Well not really there was always The Sun but, extracting information from the Sun is like pulling a rabbit from a empty top hat (seems impossible but some people can).

The Telegraph. The paper with more words per square inch than any other I have ever read. Not particularly interesting read, but, very, very informative. Whenever I see someone reading a Telegraph I can only think, “Wouldn’t you rather wait for the audio version?”. After all anything so big must have a movie deal.

Over the course of my Discovering British Culture, I realised that the paper you read tells others all they need to know about you. If that is so, does the fact that I read the Sunday Times religiously and on week days the Independent says everything there is about me?
If you are interested the papers I read dictates that I am in my mid thirties, university educated, middle class, affluent, vote conservative, listens to mozart and Bach, horse back riding/horse racing is an interest and am white.

Well FYI - I am an Able Rating in Her Majesty’s Royal Navy, I am lower class by looking at my bank balance, I am interested in politics- both local and foreign, I love the music of my home (Jamaica) but I also listen to classical and jazz, I am ineligible to vote but if I could I would vote ‘Labour’, I am interested in mountain extreme sports, I love Urban Art, I think Micheal Angelo’s David is Lewd and I am Black Caribbean.

Luron Wright