THE TV IS WATCHING YOU

Its Monday night and I just waisted 3 hours watching TV. Why, why me? Why was the television invented?

I planned to do some cleaning and ensure that my uniform was ready for work tomorrow. I was running really late this morning and to ensure that their isn't a recurrence of this morning's mis haps, doing all I can the night before is essential. But did I listen to myself? No, I decided to allow Hollyoaks, Big Brother, Location Location, Friends and TMF to seduce me into numbing my brain and body (except my thumb) for 3 hours.

It started with Hollyoaks, the only soap any male between 14-24 years old can watch and have an excuse, the girls are FIT. "Thou shalt not watch Hollyoaks" words of the poet Scroobilus Pip from his poem Though Shalt Always Kill. I haven't seen Hollyoaks in a while but todays episode made me up to date on all the happenings. We have characters dealing with eating disorders, people not sure if they are gay or not, 18 year olds trying to get off with each other, people trying to get out of debt by taking advantage of the grieving and people getting over abortions. So what did I learn in this episode? Beautiful people can be gay, broke, skinny, promiscuous, poor and can't have babies. Nothing new then.

After I saw "The Oaks" I flipped over to find Big Brother's Little Brother. I have a continuous love/hate relationship with Big Brother. I find it very hard to change the channel when it is on. I don't like it and any other show associated with it makes it seem even more asinine. So why do I watch it? I want to see how my stupid friend Brian is getting on. See if he learned who Shakespeare was or if he found a way to speak with his mouth open. I also check on my friend kara-Louise who I think is one of the most clad Big Brother contestants I have ever come across. She is also quite hot.

Why do the lives of these people who I have never met and probably would never keep as friends seem so fascinating? I think Channel 4 has placed subliminal messages in their Big Brother animated logo (the rotating eye ball) that makes you catatonic whenever you start watching it.

This would also explain why I sat through a whole episode of Location Location. The catatonic state that I was placed in only allowed me to watch other Channel 4 shows. The episode I saw was about a couple moving from Manchester to the country to setup a hot-tub store. Their house in Manchester was worth £.5million and they were looking for something smaller and a commercial property under £400,000. In the end they got what they wanted and the hot-tub business took off.

My only explanation for watching this to the end was that the effects of the rotating eye ball does not wear off for about an hour after Big Brother.

I found myself watching Friends. Wasn't the series canceled about 10 years ago? Why doesn't it stay canceled? I think I know why. You see, there are people like me who continue to watch episodes over and over and over and over... allowing the TV programmers to take advantage of our gullible nature. This needs to stop, just because we are easy doesn't mean you have to. I think taking advantage of gullible people who will watch anything should be called TV-RAPE.

I need to stop. Laatas.